i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
