my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
