let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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