I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
