It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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