youre lurking in front of me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
