Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
