is wine microwaveable?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
