What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
