my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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