his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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