Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
