is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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