yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
