two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
