is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
