my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
