Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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