Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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