At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
