so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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