is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
