dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
