woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
