So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
