they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
