i need an iv and a liver transplant
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
