Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
