god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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