Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
