...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
