You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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