just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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