we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
