He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
