You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
