Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
