so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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