I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
