I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
