i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize