you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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