He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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