I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
