I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
