so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
