No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
