Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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