After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize