i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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