did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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