Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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