I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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