You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize