While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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