I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
