does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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