I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
