Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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