Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
