Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
