That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize