Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
