Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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