highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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