I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
