So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
