I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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