I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
