Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And then my night got REAL pukey
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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