Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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