Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
