i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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