tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
