I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
