Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
