Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
