I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Can Purell be used as lube?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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