yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
