dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
