He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
